Borne of Time and Place
"I've never seen a dead guy."
"Oh, sing yourself another lullabye, baby Dean! We see them all the time! Just last week Brock killed two dervishes with a pillowcase full of Cokes, right in our bedroom!"
"They were only knocked out...right?"
"The police took them away in body bags."
"Those were sleeping bags!"
-Venture Brothers
I am starting to get kind of wiggy from lack of sleep. I work such long hours now that it is eating into my sleep and workout and even meal times. And I can't sleep very well, either, from the stress. Even if I get eight hours, I wake up exhausted. It takes me much longer, lately, to regenerate from being outside the wire for a few hours, wearing all that armor. I'm just so damn tired.
My best friend, Nick, and I were road tripping down to Florida a few years ago, to get to his wedding, and we drove the whole way straight from New Jersey. I got so tired around Miami that I hallucinated an entire conversation between Nick and me about who was the worst Batman out of all the people who've played him. I actually responded to a question he never asked. I think I said, "But we can agree on one thing--Michael Keaton was definitely the best. Right?" And Nick looked at me with an expression that I could only describe as "I'm so confused by what you just said that it terrifies me a little." That is how tired I feel in the evenings sometimes. Like, wondering if I'm just dreaming this whole thing.
It is starting to eat into hygiene time as well. I am showering less frequently. I am kind of ashamed by this, but when I'm tired it's much harder for me to convince myself that it's worth it. It is exactly 121 meters to the shower--I've walked it so many times I could do it in my sleep--and that is enough to soak me with sweat by the time I'm back in my room. I pick up dust and sand from the sweat, and most of the time end up feeling just as filthy as when I started for the shower. I use a lot of baby wipes on various parts of my body. It helps.
Aside from the exhaustion, I am doing pretty well. Reading a couple good books, when I can stay awake, and learning my new job as quickly as I can. I don't feel like a colossal failure every day now. I'm only dropping the ball on things I didn't know about in the first place, at this point. So I'm learning fast. Too bad most of the learning is done "the hard way." But I guess there is really no other way in a combat zone.
I have a little over a month left on my tour. I can't believe it is almost here; and at the same time, it seems so far away. Once I get below thirty days it will start to seem real.
"Oh, sing yourself another lullabye, baby Dean! We see them all the time! Just last week Brock killed two dervishes with a pillowcase full of Cokes, right in our bedroom!"
"They were only knocked out...right?"
"The police took them away in body bags."
"Those were sleeping bags!"
-Venture Brothers
I am starting to get kind of wiggy from lack of sleep. I work such long hours now that it is eating into my sleep and workout and even meal times. And I can't sleep very well, either, from the stress. Even if I get eight hours, I wake up exhausted. It takes me much longer, lately, to regenerate from being outside the wire for a few hours, wearing all that armor. I'm just so damn tired.
My best friend, Nick, and I were road tripping down to Florida a few years ago, to get to his wedding, and we drove the whole way straight from New Jersey. I got so tired around Miami that I hallucinated an entire conversation between Nick and me about who was the worst Batman out of all the people who've played him. I actually responded to a question he never asked. I think I said, "But we can agree on one thing--Michael Keaton was definitely the best. Right?" And Nick looked at me with an expression that I could only describe as "I'm so confused by what you just said that it terrifies me a little." That is how tired I feel in the evenings sometimes. Like, wondering if I'm just dreaming this whole thing.
It is starting to eat into hygiene time as well. I am showering less frequently. I am kind of ashamed by this, but when I'm tired it's much harder for me to convince myself that it's worth it. It is exactly 121 meters to the shower--I've walked it so many times I could do it in my sleep--and that is enough to soak me with sweat by the time I'm back in my room. I pick up dust and sand from the sweat, and most of the time end up feeling just as filthy as when I started for the shower. I use a lot of baby wipes on various parts of my body. It helps.
Aside from the exhaustion, I am doing pretty well. Reading a couple good books, when I can stay awake, and learning my new job as quickly as I can. I don't feel like a colossal failure every day now. I'm only dropping the ball on things I didn't know about in the first place, at this point. So I'm learning fast. Too bad most of the learning is done "the hard way." But I guess there is really no other way in a combat zone.
I have a little over a month left on my tour. I can't believe it is almost here; and at the same time, it seems so far away. Once I get below thirty days it will start to seem real.
posted by Battler03 at 4:33 PM
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